The Acolyte Awards

Welcome to the first edition of the Acolyte Awards.These are awards given to people who have excelled at different areas in everyday life,business,entertainment etc.Monthly winner will be put into the end of year pool where they will compete in the Annual Acolyte Awards where the prize will be 1,000,000/= Acolyte dollars!

Unlucky Bastard of the Month



Aloysius Abacha (if that's his real name) was dumped by his "aunt" in a Bangladesh Airport while they were on transit to London.The police have been unable to trace the woman who brought him there.How he came to the country remains a mystery,Bangladesh National Women Lawyers Association (BNWLA) with the aim of keeping him in safe custody.If he was dumped there by a family member then he is one unlucky bastard.But if he took himself there, then he is one grade A moron!Bangladesh?!That is one poor ass country, he would have been better off staying his Nigerian ass at home.

Sucker Of The Month Award



This award goes to a woman who made what seemed to be a good decision only to come out looking like an idiot. When the Artur brothers came into town every woman's tongue in Nairobi hit the floor.The style, the bling,the car, the house in Runda, the big business plans, one million dollars displayed on camera, the parties and spending tens of thousands on their girlfriends on on day.Kenyan men were kicked to the curb and even one KBW blogger (I will not name names) exclaimed, "where are the Armenians?"One word describes Armenians...Euro trash!Ask any
European!
It is later when everything about them turned out to be a lie.They were not related to those in power in the Czech Republic or Armenia, they were wanted elsewhere and those were not their real names!
In an action that epitomised what is wrong with our country, Wangui got cozy with one of the Artur brothers, set up a company with them and most probably used her clout to help them go places.When the Artur brothers decided to show their true colors and the sh*t hit the fan Wangui was left holding the bag.Her name is now being dragged through the mud and all that good old daddy said about the state of affair was,"The first family is composed of the following: First Lady Lucy, sons Jimmy, David …"
So in a statement that I echo to the rest of Kenya is, all that glitters is not gold and white doesn't equate right.

The I Am Not Functioning On All Cylinders Award




This is a character on the reality TV show Who wants to be a Superhero.11 people or rather Super Heros pitched their ideas and were chosen to live together in a lair and do tasks that test their character and determine which one will be worthy to be immortalised in a comic and appear in a movie on the Sco-fi channel.
It's no secret that I love comic books but when I put the comic down it ends there.I have no desire to run around half the city in shiny tights performing good deeds.I think you must have a screw loose to want to be remembered as Monkey Woman or Cell Phone girl.
Only in America

The I Think God Loves Me Award



Some bastard in Poland got high on Polish vodka and decided to throw his St Bernard dog out of the second story window of his apartment.The lucky dog landed on a man on the street who only suffered some shock.That dog needs to do something useful with his life!

The Heart of Gold Award


This goes to Shiro (not forgetting Kibet) for their work with the kids at St Francis Integrated School.When you work your way up the hill of life it is so easy to gorget those whom are behind you.These two and those who have been helping them havent.I am waiting for uni to get back into session so I can rally the Ministries here to help.I suggest we all do the little we can to help.Remember if you sow good things you get good things in return!

The Drama Post Of The Month Award

I have always loved reading Kmusing's blog for the rants and observations.But this one post where KM was candid as ever rubbed some people the wrong way and we had a blog war on our hands.At last count before it was shut down this post had 85 comments.Kmusings keep the posts coming and best of luck in getting a new jobo!
Time to bounce.Any suggestions for new categories are most welcome!

Dildos,smut magazines,breastfeeding cover

I was reading this article in the Standard, and it hit me how puritanical Kenyans can be.The fact that dildos are sold on the d.l like drugs is amusing.It reminds me how those smut magazines from Uganda and Tanzania used to be sold, the buyer would point one out,give the vendor the money,walk away for a moment and the vendor would give him an old newspaper containing the magazine.Of course there were some bolder individuals who would buy the magazines in the open without a care for what everyone else thought.
I remember a few years back watching a special feature on EATV (East African Television) on prostitution in Uganda.Two dudes were openly interviewed on camera (knowingly) admitting they use the girl's services, what kind of girls the prefer and how often they use them.With my knowledge of Kenyans, you can't pay one enough to show up on camera and admit they visit prostitutes.
Speaking of puritans, parents in the States have been raising a storm because a parenting magazine showed a baby sucking a breast.See cover below:

Some said they were offended and even shredded the magazine while others said there was nothing disturbing about it.Other then the fact that I for one do not see anything sexual about a mother breastfeeding, I think this is a bit of an over-reaction esp coming from Americans.Turn on your tv and I am sure before an hour is up you will have gotten to see alot of flesh, be it music videos,movies,soap operas.Also let's not forget that this is summer with people walking around in halter tops and bikinis.Let's look at that picture one more time, I don't see anything sexual about it at all!In fact I think it can be a good tool to break the ice when the young uns ask about the birds and the bees.Plus on the wacky side that could be a man boob like Nick's or even someone's gut ie Nick again!So I think this is much ado about nothing!
Anyway it's midnight and here I am blogging.I think it's time I went to sleep.Have a good weekend all!Plus if anyone in Nairobi went to see Ja Rule at the Carnivore, please blog about it!

Sleeping, Cheesecake and Cable

Remember those personals that people used to have in Kenyan newspapers and magazines where when asked to list their hobbies people would list things like socialising,talking and sleeping?I am thinking of adding sleeping to my list.I am on allergy medication so I am drowsy half the time, it also doesnt help that it's summer so one of the first things that I want to do after walking in the sun is drink something cold and take a nap.I think there is something relaxing about sleep.When you have tucked yourself in your bed, that is the one place where your problems can't follow you (unless you're married or in a come we stay).That is why one of the symptoms of depression is sleeping longer then usual because reality is too hard to face.I was reading somewhere that Americans on average sleep the least in the world, due to the break neck pace of life here I understand.How I will miss my naps and long sleep hours when I have to get a job.Anyway depressing thoughts aside.I see Milo has decided to call it a day from blogging.All I can say is thanks for the great posts, humour and come back soon bro!

Something interesting happened yesterday.I was craving a piece of cheesecake and I even went to the cafe to see if they had any but they didn't seem to have any.So I went back to the office and got back to work.A few minutes later one of my workmates entered the office and said that she had brought us something to share.A cheesecake!!!!!!Seems my powers are kicking in big time!It also rocks that the small office fridge is next to my desk so I can reach over and help myself when I'm feeling peckish!

Does anyone in the States know where I can get a burger that tastes as good as those char broiled (or whatever call it) ones that were sold at Steers?I think one of the worst things that those chaps did was to open a branch like 10 mins drive (it would have been 3 if it wasn't for the messed up roads).So on some Sundays that was my guilty pleasure.

Anyway I have decided to downgrade my cable package.I am taking advantage of a special offer at the moment which will end first week of August.I don't plan to pay extra, so as soon as August checks in, I opt out.I mean it's ironic that the people who can afford to pay loads for cable, don' t have the time to watch it and those who have the time can't afford the big cable packages.

Pestimonies,character actors and the grass isn't greener on the other side

I remember back home when I would be in an matatu during rush hour traffic when once this lady sitting next to me turned to me and asked me if I was saved.At this point I knew it was a case of damned if I do and damned if I don't.If I said yes, she would want me to share and if I said no, she may want to give me her testimony.To save time I went with "no."What happened is that she told me what had been going on in her life and from what she told me, the hand of God seemed completely absent (yes I know God acts in hidden ways too, so shut up!), so from then on I began to refer to these long winded accounts as pestimonies (due to being pestered).It seems some christian folk are ashamed of their pestimonies and decided to walk in sin for sometime so they can claim how God delivered them from sin.After all if you were born in a christian household and never strayed, your testimoney may seem like pestimoney.

Have you ever watched a movie and seen this dude who seems to be an extra or have very small often repetitive movies in many movies that you watch?This dude is either a thug or some other sort of bad guy.These character acters always have you scratching your head saying, "it's that guy!Whatsisname??" Well people there's a book appropriately titled, Hey!It's that guy! I intend to get myself a copy as soon as I have some stray bucks lying around.

I read this great post from one my fave blogs.The post is called the Grass is not greener on the other side...

I have alot of friends of different races and nationalities, and when the topic comes to women, there is always this "the grass is greener" over there mentality.
For instance, alot of my white friends prefer Asian women, they all have yellow fever. The reason they give? They are more feminine, gentle and lady like.
It's kind of funny to see a once beer drinking, chicken wing-loving former frat boy all of a sudden get into anime, weird Japanese RPG games and want to quit his job to move to Japan to become an English teacher because they just love "Asian Culture". That's nonsense, it's just a smokescreen for easy access to Asian pussy, which is their sole driving force.
I've gotten a few guys to admit that it was indeed the reason for their interest in Asian culture.
Alot of my black friends, prefer white women, the reason? They say that white women are not as aggressive and hard to handle like black women.That sure looks true from where I am!
My Asian friends tell me they can't get dates with Asian women because they all want white guys. They also say they can't get dates with white and latina women because they don't like them and they in general do not want to date black women.Poor dudes, they always seem to
lose!
My hispanic friends don't care, as long as she's ready, willing and able...isn't that right Ricky? {inside joke}
My opinion? Women are women. I've dated women from different ethnicities, and other than their ethnicity, it was pretty much the same thing. The grass ain't greener on the other side. Women act how society dictates they act.If you remove a woman from the society that makes her act in the way that made her desirable to you and bring her to the culture that spawned the women you don't like, it is only a matter of time before she becomes like them.Women adapt very very fast to new cultures so at the end of the day the differences will only be skin deep.

I think that is the same thing that applies to the way some people decided after they have settled in the states for sometime to send for their boyfriends/girlfriends from back home and in many cases things fail to work out.I think the old dynamic that made the relationship work is gone when you go abroad or to cut to the chase, one party grows horns as the saying goes.For you KBW folk out here, if you had an boyfriend /girlfriend you left back home, would you send them a ticket to join you in the States/Europe or would you leave it till you get back home or split up?

Weird commercials and uneccessary issues

I don't know about you but I have always found that commercial vaguely disturbing.If I was that lady I would have taken to my heels or as we used to say scattered!It sure doesn't make me want to buy Skittles anymore then before.

Yesterday I was subject of one of those "we need to talk" moments.No I was not being booted but I was subject to one of those moments when a woman over analyses every action and word that you have done or said over the past week and gives them meaning that you yourself did not know was possible.Of course me being the bastion of logic I see myself as attempted to insert logic into the mix.It was as useful as trying to empty a swimming pool with a sieve.Anyway I ended up having to spend valuable sleeping time (she came over at 11.30pm) talking about things that I didnt even know I had done, listening to my sins being rehashed and putting on the appropriate expression of remorse. The whole incident yesterday showed me that some of the very qualities that you may find somewhat attractive about someone may be the same things that repulse you later on. My laid back almost imperturbable manner is now being seen as non-chalance and aloofness. I was told that I am hard to understand because I act like one moment I would be petting puppies and the next moment stabbing them to death, that there doesn't seem to be a mid ground with me.At this point I wanted to tell her to screw herself but I put on a face with the appropriate show of empathy and said that I understand and I would try to work on that much to her delight. Fact is that I am a simple man and with women the simpler you are the more complicated you are.I think if I started drama and tantrums I would get less expressions of concern.Why is it women seem to love some sort of drama or the other? The fact that I don't run around smiling like the joker and being soft and lovable doesnt mean that on the other hand that I am planning on a mass slaying.It just means that I am not smiling that's all.Sheesh!Women are hard to understand!Good thing that I got that drama out of the way and things are back to normal in Acolyte land!

Monday

I was listening to Capital FM online, and it seems that Ja Rule is going to be performing at the Carnivore.
I thought after being dusted by 50 cent the dude had decided to stop rapping and doing those silly duets with Ashanti and instead concentrate on acting in B rated movies ie Half Past Dead with Steven Segal.
But no, seems the dude is going to be at the Carnivore courtesy of Celtel.I wonder if he's going to get a good turnout?Let's see how fickle Nairobi's youth will be.
Other then that I have just realised that lately the need for an afternoon nap has been slowly reducing.I still take one as I have the free time in the afternoon but I am no longer nodding off at 1pm as used to be the case.
Anyway it's the last week of class!Woo hoo!Just got done with my 10 page mid-term, will do my grant tommorrow and then Ill just have to wait to get hold of the take home exam.I shall be free (For two weeks, then the new sem begins)!